Category: blog

Is there a viable path of integrity?

There is no easy way to survive as an actor, and especially as an older actor in Idaho. This became more clear when I did a research paper last semester for a class at Boise State University, on the subject of career outcomes for Theatre Arts graduates in the state. 

Of course it’s not impossible, but a successful theater career in Idaho would immediately place one in the outlier category.

There is another factor that is blatantly obvious, but not much discussed, among those pursuing this career. And that is that many times, actors are paid to humiliate themselves. To illustrate this, simply pay attention to a few commercials on television or YouTube. Actors are exaggerated, pandering, and clownish in every imaginable. way.

When this is pointed out to actors, they invariably reply, “But those commercial actors are making good money.” This is not a satisfactory reply if one actually values one’s dignity.

And the degrading roles and situations are not limited to commercials. The theater industry has historically been considered on a level with prostitution and circus performers, on a very low rung of integrity and desirability.

Keep in mind that I am not talking about the fortunate few who enjoy the adulation of celebrity, but the countless others who struggle to make a livelihood in the theater industry.

There is something strange in theater being ubiquitous at elementary schools and early education, and then becoming such a compromised profession as soon as it leaves the educational realm.

For a few reasons, I am attached to this profession, and I feel obligated to at least attempt to survive within it. I will elaborate these reasons in later posts.

And given the landscape, it seems that to come through it with a semblance of self-respect, it is important to exercise as much control as possible over the content of performances. This has been a major factor in my choosing to perform the Gospel of Luke.

Not only does this align with my previous audiobook and radio broadcast experience, the nature of the story is truly interesting, as is the profound effects of this story on American culture.

This is something that I can devote myself to without feeling compromised or degraded. It’s relevant and important. What remains to be seen is whether I can pursue this project in a way that can sustain me, and possibly open new paths to future projects with integrity.

I think it’s a special project.

Last year, I began to memorize the Gospel of Luke. Just a little bit at a time, without a clear destination in mind. It might be called a compulsion. I had memorized things before, and this was another chance to sit with a long text and commit it to memory.

There were many things that could have derailed this project. It never made a lot of sense, it has been a lot of work, and people seem generally ambivalent about its future prospects.

But throughout this time, there have been nudges that kept it going. Little things read online, conversations overheard, that reminded me that this is important, somehow. 

And now, with over an hour memorized, I am looking for venues in which to perform it. It should not have lasted this long, but it has become my senior project at Boise State University, and I’ve been in touch with prisons and churches, looking for venues. 

This has yet to be performed in public. But that it has lasted so long, and continues to grow as a project, is remarkable. Somehow it has stayed alive. This Substack is meant to be a documentary of where this project goes from here.

and it’s a sign of progress.

When one undertakes the Keto diet, there is a metabolic shift, in which the body moves from burning carbohydrates for energy to burning fat. This transfer from sugar energy to fat energy is called ketosis.

I am attempting something analogous, but the transfer involves sources of money. This Gospel of Luke project is my first real entrepreneurial enterprise, and it is a difficult transition from normal kinds of employment to carving a new path with an innovative idea. It involves lots of anxiety, and a need lay a proper foundation.

Last week I sent a proposal to the Idaho Department of Correction. I would love to perform for residents of the prison system, for a variety of reasons. 

The day after submitting the proposal, they called! There is interest in the project, and they wanted to know more about me, and about the legitimacy of my proposal. It seems that everything went well. The process is underway. 

This is encouraging, and the response was much quicker than I expected. There is a lot more foundation work to do, but this little bit of progress does a lot to keep me on track and motivated for all that is to come.

and the beginnings of opportunities

This seems like the time of the year when things show their first beginnings. Today I talked to a priest who is open to having the Gospel of Luke performed at his church. This priest can be impulsive and unfocused, and he suggested performing it during adoration at the church.

Adoration happens there once a week in the evenings. The eucharist is presented in an elaborate case, and congregants come to meditate in its presence. This is a common practice at Catholic churches.

But most people take this as a time of quiet reflection and meditation. It is not normally interrupted by speaking of any kind. Usually, it is done in silence.

In my eagerness to begin this project, with an audience, I may end up committing a kind of faux pas. Will they appreciate what I’m doing, or see it as an interruption of their prayer practice? Should I accept the priest’s offer to perform the Gospel of Luke, or should I refrain in favor of a better opportunity?

I suspect that this is the first of many such difficulties. I just don’t expect things to flow easily and naturally in this project. There is another church where the clergy have expressed interest, but we have yet to settle upon a date. 

If the priest gives the OK, I will perform. Whatever negative reactions may arise can be directed at him as well as me. And there are far more antagonistic venues that I will be exploring. How will people react in prisons? Assisted Living facilities? There may be outright disdain and derision there, and it will have to be endured. Perhaps this will help to inoculate me against future difficulties.

It does seem that things will be more definite in the coming weeks. This is a slow-growing plant, and there is nothing to be done but keep watering, keep providing sunlight, and let it take its course. My hopes are high, but patience, especially now, is vital to future growth.

Salesman for the Gospel of Luke Project

I have been working on memorizing the Gospel of Luke, up to chapter 9 verse 50, for a little over a year. Luke 9:50 is a transition in the narrative, and it takes over an hour to speak out loud up to that point. I did not know that the effort would be sustained this long. There were some low points, at which it seemed like it could or should be abandoned, but circumstances conspired to keep it in play.

Now it is not a matter of continuing to memorize, but to consistently recite it so that it stays fresh in my memory. I could memorize more, with the goal of having the whole Gospel in memory, but it seems best, at this point, to spend energy getting this in front of audiences first.

There are a lot of possible audiences, including prisons, schools, assisted living facilities, and more. Making bookings is the hard part. I have to go from an introverted bibliophile to a salesman, approaching strangers, most of whom probably won’t be interested.

One of the most valuable experiences of going to school at my age is the normalization of being pushed out of my comfort zone. Especially in Theatre Arts, there are many embarrassing classroom situations, as well as classes, like Scene Design, that require skills that I have not developed. So in some sense I have been strengthened for this phase of the Gospel of Luke project.

Hopefully, the first performance will be at a local Catholic church. But whether that happens or not, I am going to need to shift gears, and become truly entrepreneurial. I will have to approach a lot of people with a pitch. This is terrifying, well out of my comfort zone. But it has to be done.